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„Je len veľmi málo rád v mužských magazínov, čo sa týka sexu, lebo muži si myslia, však viem čo robím. Stačí, keď vidím nahú ženu.“

Jerry Seinfeld

„Každý z nás má v sebe obrovský potenciál dobrých vlastností i schopností, ktoré treba postupom času prebúdzať.“

Jerry Seinfeld

Niečo nové pre život, Dobrá kniha, Trnava 2006
Potvrdené výroky

„Keď je cesta vyjazdená, väčšinou to má svoj dôvod.“

Jerry Seinfeld

„Kníhkupectvo je jeden z mála dôkazov, že ľudia stále myslia.“

Jerry Seinfeld

„Najlepšou pomstou je dobre žiť.“

Jerry Seinfeld

Jerry Seinfeld: Citáty v angličtine

“There is no more embarrassing thing in my life that the fact that I have actually uttered the phrase, "I would like to order the Ginsu Knife."”

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Jerry Seinfeld

I'm Telling You for the Last Time (1998)

“The less you know about a field, the better your odds. Dumb boldness is the best way to approach a new challenge.”

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Jerry Seinfeld

"Jerry Seinfeld, Online Force", in The New York Times (27 May 2015) http://www.nytimes.com/2015/05/31/arts/television/jerry-seinfeld-online-force.html

“The luge is the only Olympic event where you could have people competing in it against their will, and it would look exactly the same. Take people off the street, "Hey, hey, hey, what is this?! I don't wanna be in the luge!" Once you put that helmet on them, "You're in the luge, buddy!" "aaaAAAaaaAAAaaaAAA… aaaAAAAA…" World record. Didn't even wanna do it. I'd like to see that next Olympics, the Involuntary Luge.”

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Jerry Seinfeld

I'm Telling You for the Last Time (1998)

“Why is McDonald's still counting? How insecure is this company? 40 million, 80 billion million jillion killion tillion…who cares? Is anyone really impressed by that any more? "Ooh, 89 billion sold? All right, I'll have one! I'm satisfied!" I'd like to tell the CEO of McDonald's, "Look. We all get it, okay? You've sold a lot of hamburgers. Whatever the number is, just put up a sign, 'McDonald's: We're Doing Very Well.'”

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Jerry Seinfeld

We are tired of hearing about every goddamn one of them."
I'm Telling You for the Last Time (1998)

“I like staying in hotels. I like their tiny soap. I like to pretend it's regular-sized and my muscles are huge.”

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Jerry Seinfeld

I'm Telling You for the Last Time (1998)

“Men and women will never understand each other; my advice is to just stop trying. Just forget it. I know I will never understand women. I will never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root…and still be afraid of a spider.”

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Jerry Seinfeld

I'm Telling You for the Last Time (1998)

“To me, America used to be a place that made steel, and cars, and had giant department stores. Now, basically, we produce amateur talent and people [who] judge amateur talent.”

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Jerry Seinfeld

Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee (2012 — Present), Season 3 (2014)

“I'll tell you the greatest thing that I've ever achieved in my career: I was on the cover of Mad magazine. And of course, I'm saying "Hello Neuman."”

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Jerry Seinfeld

Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee (2012 — Present), Season 3 (2014)

“Comedy is more personal than food.”

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Jerry Seinfeld

Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee (2012 — Present), Season 3 (2014)

“The comedian studies himself; the actor studies other people. The comedian wants to be himself; the actor wants to be anyone but themselves.”

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Jerry Seinfeld

Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee (2012 — Present), Season 3 (2014)

“It was the back nine [episodes of a season], was the backbreaker for us, right? You [can] kind of figure out the first ten over the summer; you pull three more out of nowhere; and then the back nine is just-- you're Sandra Bullock in Gravity.”

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Jerry Seinfeld

Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee (2012 — Present), Season 3 (2014)

“I don't think I felt "at home" on Earth, as a human, until I walked into a comedy club.”

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Jerry Seinfeld

Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee (2012 — Present), Season 3 (2014)

“Comedians have such an intense allergy to pretension.”

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Jerry Seinfeld

Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee (2012 — Present), Season 3 (2014)

“The real motivation of bein' a comedian is if you really love the sound of a laugh. And if you love that, you will never want to stop.”

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Jerry Seinfeld

Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee (2012 — Present), Season 3 (2014)

“A [stand-up] bit is a bar of gold. A talk-show panel story is something that's too good to throw out but not good enough to use.”

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Jerry Seinfeld

Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee (2012 — Present), Season 3 (2014)

“Do you know the first thing I said as a child, before I said "Mama" or "Dada"? I said "Leave me alone!"”

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Jerry Seinfeld

(laughs) Is that not the mantra of stand-up comedy?
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee (2012 — Present), Season 3 (2014)

“I don't know why people always assume that the guest is more interesting than the host.”

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Jerry Seinfeld

Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee (2012 — Present), Season 3 (2014)

“God has no rhyme or reason to who he gives a sense of humor to.”

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Jerry Seinfeld

Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee (2012 — Present), Season 2 (2013)

“Bee Movie was definitely my favorite movie that I've starred in, because I've always wanted to be a bee. They seem to have the most organized society on earth, and they make honey! Which is a pretty amazing product.”

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Jerry Seinfeld

Reddit "Ask Me Anything" #3 (2016)

“Poetry is bad standup. It's carefully chosen words that have no laugh at the end.”

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Jerry Seinfeld

Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee (2012 — Present), Season 9 (2017)

“Stand-up is what I am.”

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Jerry Seinfeld

Judd Apatow Interview (1983)

“A joke is a miracle.”

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Jerry Seinfeld

"What a Joke" Radio Show (2019)

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