Geogra Carlin citáty page 7

„Dôvodom, prečo sa rozprávam sám so sebou je to, že som jediný, ktorého odpovede prijímam.“

„Smejte sa často, dlho a hlasno. Smejte sa tak silno, kým vám nedôjde vzduch.“

„Ľudia, ktorí vidia v život ako niečo viac než číru zábavu, nechápu jeho zmysel.“

Geogra Carlin Citáty o ľuďoch

„Povedzte ľuďom, že na oblohe je neviditeľný muž, ktorý stvoril vesmír, a drvivá väčšina vám uverí. Povedzte im, že farba je mokrá a oni sa jej musia dotknúť, aby sa presvedčili.“

„Mám rovnakú autoritu ako pápež, len nemám toľko ľudí, ktorí by tomu verili.“

„Vlády štátov nechcú populáciu schopnú kritického myslenia. Chcú poslušných pracovníkov, ľudí dostatočne múdrych na to, aby dokázali ovládať stroje, a zároveň dostatočne hlúpych na to, aby pasívne akceptovali svoju situáciu.“

„Robievam takú skutočnú hlúposť, ktorá sa volá myslenie. A zrejme nie som veľmi dobrý Američan, pretože si rád vytváram vlastné názory.“

Geogra Carlin citáty a výroky

„Hovorí sa tomu americký sen, pretože musíte spať, aby ste tomu uverili.“

„Páči sa mi, keď kvetina alebo kúsok trávy rastie cez trhlinu v betóne. Je to tak k**va hrdinské.“

„Muži sú zo Zeme, ženy sú zo Zeme. Zmier sa s tým.“

„Mňau znamená v mačacom jazyku "haf".“

„Ako je možné rozpútať občiansku vojnu?“

„Neriešte malichernosti a nehladkajte spotené veci.“

„V každom cynikovi sa skrýva sklamaný idealista.“

„Náboženstvo je ako pár topánok ….. Nájdite si taký, ktorý sa pre vás hodí, ale nenúťte ma ich nosiť.“

„Bojovať za mier je ako j*bať pre panenstvo.“

„Hlavný dôvod, prečo je Santa tak veselý, je ten, že vie, kde žijú všetky zlé dievčatá.“

„Všimli ste si niekedy, že ak niekto ide pomalšie ako vy, tak je idiot a keď rýchlejšie, tak je šialený?“

„Ak sa pokúsite zlyhať a uspejete - ktoré sa vlastne stalo?“

„Úprimnosť je možno tou najlepšou politikou, ale je potrebné si uvedomiť, že potom očividne, neúprimnosť je na druhom mieste.“

„Nie je trochu znepokojujúce, že lekári nazývajú to, čo robia „praxou“?“

„Húsenica robí všetku prácu a motýľ dostáva všetku publicitu.“

„Ak je to pravda, že náš druh je vo vesmíre osamotený, potom musím povedať, že vesmír má nízke ciele a uspokojil sa s málom.“

„Ateizmus je neprorocká organizácia.“

„Nikdy sa nehádajte s idiotom. Len vás ponížia na svoju úroveň a porazia skúsenosťami.“

„Zašiel som do kníhkupectva a spýtal som sa predavačky: Kde je samoobslužná sekcia? Povedala, že ak mi to prezradí, stratí to zmysel.“

„Keď sa opýtam, koľko má vaše batoľa rokov, nechcem počuť "27 mesiacov". Stačí mi "má dva roky". Vaše dieťa nie je syr. A inak mi je to aj jedno.“

„Myslím si, že varovné nápisy na alkoholických nápojoch sú príliš nevýrazné. Mali by byť výraznejšie. Tu je jeden, ktorý by som navrhol: "Alkohol z vás urobí rovnakého kreténa, akým bol váš otec."“

„Dobré motto do života: Vždy sa snažte, aby vás nezabili.“

„Ak sa niekto s viacerými osobnosťami vyhráža zabitím, považuje sa to za rukojemnícku situáciu?“

„Ako to, že keď ide o nás, je to potrat, a keď ide o sliepku, je to omeleta?“

„V Amerike sa prezidentom môže stať ktokoľvek. V tom je problém.“

“The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work.”

Geogra Carlin: Citáty v angličtine

“Because we were a poor area, the school had a small budget and was unable to teach the second half of the alphabet.”

George Carlin kniha Brain Droppings

Zdroj: Brain Droppings

“Thall shall keep thy religion to thy selves.”

George Carlin kniha Brain Droppings

Zdroj: Brain Droppings

“And off we go, out onto the highway looking for a little fun. Perhaps a flatbed truck loaded with human cadavers will explode in front of a Star Trek reunion. One can only dream and hope.”

“Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.”

George Carlin When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?

Zdroj: When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?

“I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to.”

Zdroj: Napalm & Silly Putty

“Saliva causes cancer, but only if swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.”

“Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed.”

“Whenever you hear the phrase zero tolerance, remember, someone is bullshitting you.”

“People are wonderful one at a time. Each one of them has an entire hologram of the universe somewhere within them.”

George Carlin When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?

Zdroj: When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?

“As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.”

George Carlin kniha Last Words

Zdroj: Last Words

“If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?”

“I really haven't seen this many people in one place since they took the group photographs of all the criminals and lawbreakers in the Ronald Reagan Administration. Two-hundred and twenty-five of 'em, so far! 225 different people in the Ronald Reagan administration have either quit, been fired, arrested, indicted or convicted of either breaking the law or violating the ethics code!”

“And, of course, the funniest food: "kumquats". I don't even bring them home anymore. I sit there laughing and they go to waste.”

What Am I Doing in New Jersey? (1988)

“There are two-way words, like, it's okay for Curt Gowdy to say, "Roberto Clemente has two balls on him!" But he can't say, "I think he hurt his balls on that play, Tony, don't you?"”

"Fussy Eater, Pt. 1"
A Place for My Stuff (1981)

“If my car should be in such a position where I can't quite see what's going on, can't get a good enough look, I'm not the least bit shy about asking the police to bring the bodies over a little closer to the car. "Pardon me, officer, would you mind dragging that twisted-looking chap over here a little closer to the car, please? My wife has never seen anyone shaped quite like that. Look at that, Sugar Lips! That's his ribcage sticking out the glove compartment. Thank you, officer, that'll be all. You can throw him back on the pile."”

Class Clown (1972)

“There's something I like about the clitoris, but I can't quite put my finger on it.”

"Traffic Accidents: Keep Movin'!"
Complaints and Grievances (2001)

“[On why he lacked faith in humanity] The two big mistakes were the belief in a sky god – that there's a man in the sky with ten things he doesn't want you to do and you'll burn for a long time if you do them – and private property, which I think is at the core of our failure as a species. That's the source of my indignations, my dissatisfactions, however it comes out on stage. I feel betrayed by the people I'm part of, these creatures, these magnificent creatures.”

Books, Napalm and Silly Putty (2001)

“The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains.”

Mother Jones Magazine, March/April 1997
Interviews, Print Interviews

“And you know, I always wanted to work in a delicatessen just so that a woman would come in one day and ask me to give her some tongue. And I'd say "Well, I don't get off 'till four o'clock." And she'd say "Well, I don't get off at all. That's why I'm looking for some tongue!"”

Books, Napalm and Silly Putty (2001)

“The difference between left and right of center … originated in the French parliament. The people left of center were liberals; the people right of center were conservatives. Broadly speaking. And generally speaking, people on … the right of center, are interested in property values, property, property rights. The rights and the rights of property. And generally speaking again – it's all generalized – the left-of-center people are more concerned with humans and human beings and human concerns; to the care of humans, not the care and worry about property rights. That's generally been true. And Bush is pushing this country farther down the hill, faster than anyone has before.”

Playing With Your Head (1986)

“If people stand in a circle long enough, they'll eventually begin to dance.”

Real Time with Bill Maher, September 9, 2005
Interviews, Television Appearances

“But let’s say it’s true; let’s say God gave us these rights. Why would he give us a certain number of rights? The Bill of Rights of this country has ten stipulations, okay? Ten rights. And apparently God was doing sloppy work that week because we've had to amend the Bill of Rights an additional 17 times. So God forgot a couple of things. Like…SLAVERY! Just fuckin' slipped his mind.”

Books, Napalm and Silly Putty (2001)

“One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're tired.”

"You Have No Rights"
It's Bad for Ya (2008)

“Try explaining Hitler to a kid.”

"Getting old"
It's Bad for Ya (2008)

“I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.”

Books, Brain Droppings (1997)

“I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.”

Books, Napalm and Silly Putty (2001)

“Dear Political Activists,
All your chanting, marching, voting, picketing, boycotting and letter-writing will not change a thing; you will never right the wrongs of this world. The only thing your activity will accomplish is to make some of you feel better. Such activity makes powerless people feel useful, and provides them the illusion that they're making a difference. But it doesn't work. Nothing changes. The powerful keep the power. That's why they're called the powerful.
This is similar to people's belief that love can overcome everything, that it has some special power. It doesn't. Except one on one. One on one, love is incredibly powerful. It is a beautiful thing. But if love had any power to change the world, it would have prevailed by now. Love can't change the world. It's nice. It's pleasant. It's better than hate. But it has no special power over things. It just feels good. Love yourself, find another person to love and feel good.
Love, George”

Books, Napalm and Silly Putty (2001)

“There is something refreshingly ironic about people lying on the beach contracting skin cancer in an attempt to acquire a purely illusory appearance of good health, while germ-laden medical waste washes up on the sand all around them.”

Books, When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? (2004)

“"Undisputed heavyweight champion." Well, if it's undisputed, what's all the fighting about?”

entitled Surf's Down Forever, p. 207
Books, Brain Droppings (1997)