Josh Billings citáty

„Za peniaze sa dá kúpiť celkom pekný pes, ale nedá sa kúpiť jeho kývanie chvostom.“

„Pes je jediné stvorenie na svete, ktoré vás miluje viac ako seba.“

„Na jednej strane je treba byť bláznom, aby sa človek zamiloval a na druhej by musel byť blázon, aby nemiloval.“

„Kde sú priatelia, tam je bohatstvo.“

„Vyspovedajte sa z vášho hriechu Pánovi a bude vám odpustené; vyspovedajte sa ľuďom a vysmejú sa vám.“

„Ak má niekto pravdu, nemôže byť príliš radikálny, ak nemá pravdu, nemôže byť príliš konzervatívny.“

„Akokoľvek je pravda vzácna, ponuka mnohonásobne prevyšuje dopyt.“

„Genialita je zdravý sedliacky rozum vo sviatočných šatách.“

„Chovajte kravu a mlieko budete musieť riediť vodou iba raz.“

„Nikdy nepracujte pred raňajkami. Ak musíte pracovať pred raňajkami, najprv sa naraňajkujte.“

„Pokiaľ sme šťastní, pripisujeme to našej chytrosti, za naše nešťastie obviňujeme Boha.“

„Muž a žena neznamená vždy len lásku. Často predstavujú nesúlad vo všetkom, čo sa ich spoločne týka.“

„Asi tak najviac originality, v dosiahnutie ktorej môže hociktorý spisovateľ dúfať, je kradnúť s dobrým úsudkom.“

„Hlúposť je nevedomá nevedomosť.“

„Je štatistickým faktom, že ničomníci pracujú usilovnejšie na tom, aby sa dostali do pekla, ako spravodliví na tom, aby vošli do neba.“

„Jeden z najlepších dočasných liekov na pýchu a afektovanie je morská choroba. Človek, ktorý chce zvracať, sa nikdy nevyvyšuje.“

„Nedôverčivosť je múdrosť hlupákov.“

„Skúsenosť je škola, v ktorej sa človek naučí, aký veľký hlupák bol.“

„Skúsenosti zvyšuje našu múdrosť, ale nezmenšuje našu hlúposť.“

„Vezmi do úvahy poštovú známku, syn môj. Zabezpečuje si úspech svojou schopnosťou držať sa jednej veci dovtedy, kým sa tam nedostane.“

„Zo slabocha si radšej urobte nepriateľa ako priateľa.“

„Ži v rámci svojho príjmu, aj keď si na to musíš vypožičiavať peniaze.“

“Prejudice iz a hous plant which iz very apt tew wither if yu take it out doors amungst pholks.”

“There iz no more real satisfackshun, in laying up in yure buzzum an injury than thare iz in stuffing a dead hornet, who haz stung you, and keeping him tew look at.”

“Misplaced charity iz a good blunder tew make. If yu want tew git a good general idea ov a man's karakter find out from him what hiz opinion ov his nabor iz.”

“Their is one advantage in a plurality of wifes; tha fite each other, insted ov their husbands.”

“It iz comparitively eazy tew repent ov the sins that we hav committed, but tew repent ov thoze which we intend to commit, is asking tew mutch ov enny man, now days.”

“The man who kan ware a paper collar a hole week and keap, it klean, aint fit for enny thing else.”

“Love haz a most vorashus appetight, but a poor digestion, what it feeds on most alwus distresses it. Prudes, are coquets, gone to seed. It iz our duty tew pray for them who revile and persekute us, but i dont kno az we are obliged tew let them kno it.”

“I don't rekoleckt now ov ever hearing ov two dogs fiteing unless thare waz a man or two around.”

“The lion and the lamb may, possibly, sumtime lay down in this world together for a fu minnits, but when the lion kums tew git up, the lamb will be missing.”

“I rather admire the insolent civility ov a bull-tarrier, who only growls when i pass by him, but i never did like it in a man.”

“We are happy in this world just in proporshun as we make others happy--i stand reddy tew bet 50 dollars on this saying.”

“As in a game ov cards, so in the game ov life, we must play what is dealt tew us, and the glory consists, not so mutch in winning, as in playing a poor hand well.”

“7 per cent haz no rest, nor no religion, it works nights, and Sundays, and even wet days.”

“This setting down and folding our arms, and waiting for sumthing tew turn up, iz just about az rich a speckulashun az going out into a four hundred acre lot, setting down on a sharp stone, with a pail between our knees, and waiting for a cow tew back up and be milked.”

“I don't care how much a man talks, if he only says it in a few words.”

“I don't beleave in fighting; i am solemly aginst it; but if a man gits teu fighting, i am also solemly aginst hiz gitting licked. After a fight iz once opened, all the virtew thare iz in it iz tew lick the other party.”

“Tew bring up a child in the wa he should go—travel that wa yourself.”

“When a man gits tew talking about himself, he seldum fails tew be eloquent, and often reaches the sublime.”

“Misanthropy don't pay--thare aint no man living whoze hate the world cares one cuss for.”

“When a doktor looks me square in the face and kant see no money in me, then i am happy.”

“Truth dont require the aid ov elegant and high stepping words, tew express its force, or buty, it iz like water, tastes better out ov a wooden bucket, than it duz out ov a golden goblet.”

“I hav often heard ov men who had bekum disgusted with the world, and retired into solitude; but i hav never heard ov a kommitty ov our fust citizens waiting on them and asking them tew kum bak.”

“If thare iz enny human being that i thoroughly loath, it iz the one who haz nothing tew boast ov but hiz money--a mere pimp tew hiz welth.”

“The wealth ov a person should be estimated, not bi the amount he haz, but bi the use he makes ov it.”

“The hardest thing that enny man kan do iz tew fall down on the ice when it iz wet, and get up and praze the Lord.”

“When i see a poor, and proud aristokrat, purtiklar about punktillio, he alwus puts me in mind ov a drunken man, trieing tew walk a crack.”

“Ventilashun iz a good thing, but when a man kant lay down and sleep in a 10 aker lot without taking down two lengths ov fence to let the wind in he iz alltogether too airish.”

“Them folks who are sudden, aint apt tew be solid; lively streams are alwus shallow.”

“I never hav seen a bigot yet but what had a small and apparently braneless hed--bit i hain't seen all the bigots, yu know.”