Janet Evanovich citáty

page 4

“Are you telling me you think Ranger's a superhero?'
Think about it. We don't know where he lives. We don't know anything about him.'
Superheroes are make-believe.'
Oh yeah?' Lula said. 'What about God?”

“THERE ARE SOME MEN who enter a woman’s life and screw it up forever. Joseph Morelli did this to me—not forever, but periodically.”

“Suppose something goes wrong? Suppose you need a big full-figure woman like me to help straighten things out?"
Lula”

“Lula's borderline too much of a good thing in lots of ways. It isn't exactly that Lula is fat; it's more that she's too short for her weight and her clothes are too small for the volume of flesh she carries.”

“Next time I fall in love it's going to be with someone who isn't an expert in fibbing."
"You're in love with me?"
"You didn't know that?"
"I did, but it's nice to hear."
"Scares the hell out of me.”

“If God had wanted me to lose weight he would have made sure there was creamed spinach for dessert.”

“The way I see it, living in New Jersey is a challenge, what with the toxic waste and the eighteen wheelers and the armed schizophrenics."
Connie Rosolli”

“I want to see your tailpipe fading off into the sunset."
Good luck, I thought. My tailpipe was somewhere on Route 1, along with my muffler.”

“Are we fighting?" I asked Morelli.
"No. Were discussing."
"Are you sure?"
"Am I yelling?" Morelli asked. "Is my face purple? Are the cords on my neck standing out? Am I waving my arms around?"
"No."
"The were not fighting.”

“You could be the Mega Mage of wizards. You could rule Minionfire.
Do you really think so?'
Yeah, but you'd have to make a deal with the wood elves.'
I don't like the wood elves.'
They're okay. They're misunderstood.”

“I was watching television and I saw how you stick your fingers in a person's eyes to slow them down."
Grandma Mazur”

“You're a magnet for mess. I've never seen anything like it.
Lula to Stephanie”

“You can run, but you can't hide, Cupcake." Morelli said. "I'll find you."
"You are such a cop."
"Tell me about it.”

“There's a small possibility that I might be a murder suspect"
Stephanie”

“You're such a cupcake.”

“It's not the pizza, darlin', its my masculine presence."
Joe Morelli”

“With the exception of dessert, food is food.”

“He specializes in virgins! The brush of his fingertips turns virgins into slobbering mush."
Mary Lou Molnar”

“The dog ran into the kitchen, stuck his nose in Grandma's crotch, and snuffled.
Dang," Grandma said. "Guess my new perfume really works. I'm gonna have to try it out at the seniors meeting.”

“God's a busy guy. He don't have time to micromanage. What are the chances he heard that? It's early in the morning. He's probably having breakfast with Mrs. God.”

“When something needs to be ironed I put it in the ironing basket. If a year goes by and the item is still in the basket I throw the item away. This is a good system since eventually I end up only with clothes that don’t need ironing.”

“Omygod, I haven’t got years. I’ll have to hide in the Bat Cave.”
“Once you go to the Bat Cave it’s forever, babe.”
Eeek.”

“You've been busy using your breaking and entering skills," I said.
"I just enter. I don't usually break."
"You broke down Pitch's door."
"Lost my temper."

-Ranger and Stephanie”

“Did you take Joyce's engine?'
'My instructions were to disable the car, but one of the men bet Hal a burger he couldn't get the engine out. So Hal removed the engine.”

“I almost never shoot people.”

“You never want to look in a mirror," Lula said. "Men love mirrors. They look at themselves doing the deed and they see Rex the Wonder Horse. Women look at themselves and think they need to renew their membership at the gym.”

“My body is not designed to run. My body was designed to sit in an expensive care and drive.”

“Aren't you something," Grandma said. "I never saw a midget up close."
"Little person," Briggs said. "And I never saw anyone as old as you up close, either.”

“Holy Crap,' Carolli said. 'You shot Jesus. That's gonna take a lot of Hail Marys.”