Groucho Marx citáty

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„Tajomstvo života je v čestnosti a vo férovom konaní. Ak ich dokážeš sfalšovať, tak si ich vyrobil.“

„Moja matka milovala deti - bola by dala hocičo za to, keby som ním bol.“

„Smrti sa nebojím, ale rád by som chýbal, keď sa dostaví.“

„Muž je tak mladý, ako ho žena cíti.“

„Muž, ktorý túži po šťastnom manželstve, musí držať zatvorené ústa a šekovú knižku otvorenú.“

„Opak je tiež pravdou.“

„Peniaze vám zaručujú, že nemusíte robiť veci, ktoré nemáte radi. Keďže nerobím rád skoro nič, peniaze sa fakticky hodia.“

“Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you're probably watching the wrong channel.”

“All people are born alike… except Republicans and Democrats.”

“Hail, hail Freedonia, land of the free!”

“Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.”

“Come on in girls, and leave all hope behind.”

“You know you haven't stopped talking since I came here? You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle.”

“Everyone must believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer”

“Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore. I realized it was killing conversation. When you're always trying for a topper you aren't really listening. It ruins communication.”

“I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.”

“That's bad luck: three on a midget.”

“You're a great brother. You give us a heart attack worrying about your heart attack, which you didn't even have the decency to have!”

“Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.”

“I don't know. When I was born there was a nurse taking care of me."
"What's the matter? Couldn't the nurse take care of herself?" "Sure she could. I just found that out too late.”

“Even the intellectual crowd will have none of me. Physically, I look like one of them. Graying at the temples, I walk with a slight limp and wear thick glasses.”

“I could dance with you till the cows come home. Better still, I'll dance with the cows and you come home."
Groucho Marx was never one to pass up an opportunity for a play on words and this occurs in his dialogue of the 1933 film Duck Soup:”

“I have had a wonderful time but this wasn't it.”

“My experience is that people are most likely to listen to reason when in bed.”

“I did a bond tour during the Second World War… We were raising money, and we played Boston and Philadelphia and most of the big cities. And we got to Minneapolis. There wasn't any big theater to play there, so we did our show in a railroad station. Then I told the audience that I knew a girl in Minneapolis. She was also known in St. Paul, she used to come over to visit me. She was known as "The Tail Of Two Cities."”

“I've been around so long, I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.”

“A likely story — and probably true.”

“Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.”

“They say Allen got something from the Marx Brothers. He got nothing. Maybe twenty years ago, he might have been inspired. Today he's an original. The best, the funniest.”

“To write an autobiography of Groucho Marx would be as asinine as to read an autobiography of Groucho Marx.”

“I got $25 from Reader's Digest last week for something I never said. I get credit all the time for things I never said. You know that line in You Bet Your Life? The guy says he has seventeen kids and I say: "I smoke a cigar, but I take it out of my mouth occasionally?"”

“Be open minded, but not so open minded that your brains fall out.”

“I sent the club a wire stating, "PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT PEOPLE LIKE ME AS A MEMBER."”